There is a guy that you are dating. You like him. He is nice and funny and the two of you have a lot in common. You enjoy each other’s company and it is clear that there is potential for a relationship to develop between you.
Even so, you can feel yourself holding back because there seems to be something missing between the two of you. You can’t put your finger on it exactly or articulate it clearly.
You don’t want to call it quits, but you don’t want to move forward either. For now, the only thing you feel certain about is the fact that you are not certain.
While you cannot control the way other people interpret your behaviour, you can work to ensure that you are honest and clear about the messages you are sending.
Follow these tips to learn how to stop sending mixed messages–and stop causing problems for both you and the people you date.
• Get brutally honest with yourself: You can’t be truthful with others until you are first truthful with yourself.
Often we want our relationships to work out so much that we ignore those honest little voices telling us that it isn’t right. If you have a gut instinct telling you, “No,” then it’s best you listen.
Ignoring that is only going to tie your stomach in knots and cause huge heartaches in the future.
• Decide how you do want this person in your life: How do you really see this relationship unfolding? Do you see a long-term romance in the future or do you just see this as a temporary fling? Or is it just a casual friendship? Define it to yourself clearly.
• Align your actions with your intentions: Remember, the other person cannot read your mind, but he or she can read your actions.
If all you want from the person you are dating is a casual fling, do not call, email or text daily, because doing these things implies that you are more invested than you actually are.
• Talk about the future only if you see a future: Don’t make references to things you will do next year, next month or even next week unless your intentions truly are to see that person next year, next month or next week.
• Remember the golden rule: Keeping somebody in your life because you like the attention, because it gives your ego a boost or because it keeps you from being lonely until somebody “better” comes a long is cruel and selfish. Treat others the way you would like others to treat you.
Be clear about your uncertainty. It’s OK to be unsure of your feelings for somebody–that’s part of dating–but if you are uncertain, do let the person or people you are dating know that you are not certain.
Give only the amount of energy that is reflective of your truest intentions.